Yeah, I know that death is part of life. I know that every one of us will die. I realize that aside from perhaps prolonging the inevitable, there is nothing we can do to change things.

But I’m really tired of funerals, memorials, and celebrations of life.  Not that I don’t want to honor those who are gone and show my love and respect for those who were left behind; I’m just tired of losing my family and friends.  I’m tired of saying goodbye.

I’m adding another to this sad list.  Another gone too soon, at age 51.  A husband, a father, a brother, a friend. My friend.

I hate cancer.
I hate saying goodbye.

2 thoughts on “Sigh.”

  1. And, as we grow older and realize the bulk of our lives is behind us, we are more apt to understand and even identify with our parents’ reluctance to change. Risk-taking belongs to the young, or at least, the young-at-heart. The end of life, if even a couple decades away, is really not the terrifying specter that it once might have been. I do think that people who live past the threescore-and-ten know they live on ‘borrowed’ time. There is a certain sadness, but it is with acceptance. Mother used to talk with me about it quite a bit because dad did not want to. I hope our conversations helped her. She was more afraid of leaving dad behind than she was going to her final days. Cancer is the devil. I can barely contain my yearning sometimes for Heaven.

  2. I feel sometimes as if I’m standing in line…a line that snakes around and makes wild turns and sometimes doubles back on itself, but the order of the people standing never changes. I’m in line with people I don’t know, people of all ages, shapes, colors. We’re all waiting our turn. Some folks are frightened, some are reluctant, some are eager, and some betray no emotion. Some don’t even know why they’re there. But when we finally make our way to the head of the line, that is where we will meet our Maker. I’m not sure sometimes how I will feel at the end of my life, or even if I will know that it has arrived. I just don’t feel like I’m quite ready. So many unfinished things.

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